She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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