So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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