i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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