Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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