Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
