Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize