Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
