oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
