Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
