This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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