i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
