I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
