I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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