I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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