Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
