garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
