I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I came so hard my ears popped.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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