I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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