please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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