and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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