Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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