About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize