Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize