ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
