i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
