You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
