theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
