I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
