there was a trapeze. enough said
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
