my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
