Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
