Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
