everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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