oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
