I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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