so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
