she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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