what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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