She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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