Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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