I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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