Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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