She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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