Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
