Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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