I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
did i walk over a car last night?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
