As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry about my life...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
