omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
