if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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