eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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