hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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