...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
