You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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