I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
