drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
