If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
