Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
