True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
