yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
