WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
