I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
