Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
