I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
