DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
