sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
