i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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