i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
