it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let's paint friendship bongs
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
